A couple days ago, Jason and I went to Whole Foods to pick up some milk, and there was a woman with two five-year-old-ish daughters in front of us. She looked pretty haggard– she was obviously well-off and was wearing expensive trendy clothes about 20 years too young for her (for Christ’s sake, do NOT wear a cut off jean skirt when you’re friggin’ 45, people!)– but she looked pretty rough. My theory, after observing her behavior, is that she does coke to stay skeletally thin.

Anyway, first she told one of her daughters to go put back a popsicle. Daughter screams “NO!” So instead of enforcing her order, she goes and does it for the girl in a huff. Then the kids passed a display of water bottles. One of them opened one up and started sucking on the top. The mother sees this, makes an exasperated noise, takes the bottle away, and puts it back on the shelf. SHE PUT THE FUCKING BOTTLE HER DAUGHTER JUST SUCKED ON BACK ON THE SHELF!

What the fucking hell is wrong with people?! And I don’t want to hear any shit about how exhausting it is to have kids, and how I just don’t understand. It would have required the same amount of effort to walk two steps to customer service and hand them that bottle as it took to stick it back on the shelf for some unsuspecting person to buy. But no, Crack Whore Socialite just couldn’t be bothered. So I took the damn thing to customer service.

Goddam, there should be some kind of required class for parents. Or at the very least, I should get a license to kick the asses of dumb bitches who can’t manage their kids.

Christian visited me last week. It was all the things those of you who know him might expect: strenuous, awesomely moist, cooked in clay, and completely delish. I gained five pounds and a whole new vocabulary.

Last night Oak Park celebrated the release of the new Harry Potter book from 1pm to well past midnight. It was insane. The main streets were absolutely packed with people wearing the most elaborate costumes– a Lucius Malfoy in long blond wig and fur-trimmed cape, a Harry with a Hedwig attached to his shoulder, at least a dozen Cho Changs (costume of choice for all Asian women in attendance). There was live music, readings, and a Snape debate– screams and cheers could be heard periodically from the group of people in front of the main stage. All the area stores created Harry Potter- inspired facades and stayed open till well past midnight serving the celebrants. And the church bells tolled the Harry Potter theme song.

The scene is really impossible to describe, and unfortunately, my digital camera’s Achilles heel is nighttime shots. But I have a few that came out well enough that some of the action is visible.

Lemme tell you what’s creepy: being all alone in a dorm out in the middle of the woods. Just me and millions of lime-disease-carrying ticks, no one else in sight.